Not that girl

"I'm not that girl. I'm not that girl." I find myself repeating that phrase over and over again to myself as if saying it will make it true. I am fighting to hold onto that in order to believe that I am better than the events that happened. Even though in the world's eyes, the events were nothing significant at all. Nothing that should be avoided. Sure there weren't any feelings behind the hand holding or my head on his shoulder. Just two humans seeking comfort even if it wasn't from someone who would care about them in a more than friend kind of way. But those acts are a gateway, a desensitization of the importance of drawing lines in relationships, of guarding hearts, and seeking wholeness. Yet if I am to reject society's understanding of relationships and boundaries, why am I clinging to how society defines who I am? Because society says that what I do defines who I am. That how I perceive myself is what matters in determining who I am. That I am the choices that I make or don't make. That perspective is quite contrary to what I know to be the truth. If I really believe all that I say to believe than I am not the choices I make or the sum of my past mistakes. I have been redeemed. And I am not what I do or who I define myself to be because ultimately that will only lead to discouragement and discontent in how far I am from where I want to be. My identity must be found in the Spirit who dwells in me. My flesh will fail me but His Spirit is strong in me. And that Spirit says that I am a child of God.