Feeling Controversial

*Forewarning: Some thoughts came full circle this evening. I still don't have a lot of closure, but I wanted to share what I have been thinking about lately. The more I learn, the more I realize I have so much more to learn. Adding a political science minor my last semester of college only caused more uncertainty on where I stand ideologically.*

“If a man is not a liberal when he is young, he has no heart. If a man is not conservative when he is old, he has no mind.” – Winston Churchill

This past year, I have developed more questions than answers. It all started with my first and only Sociology class, Regional and Societal Development. I feel the sole purpose of that class was to depress me on the state of the developing world and on the horrors of capitalism and agri-business. The professor was a frightening man. I don’t think he knew my name until the last week of class. He swore constantly, insulted his favorite students, and occasionally cleaned up students’ breakfast trash. Those days were strange. He knew the class was going to be depressing but promised there would be hope come the end of the semester. I didn’t find that hope. I felt like he criticized all missionaries as being Western imperialists and I struggled with how I as a privileged white female should live.

The semester ended, and I wanted to see things from a more global perspective. I became uncomfortable with the notion that America is the greatest. I became uncomfortable with a capitalism that permits workers to be denied living wages, so that I can get my shirt for cheap. I became uncomfortable with the idea that the Western way is always the right way. I spent the summer in Winston-Salem working with Karenni refugees and learning all about missions straight from Southern Baptists.

This semester though, I have had some issues with those Southern Baptists and evangelicals in general, particularly with their political involvement. I began re-reading Blue Like Jazz this evening, and Donald Miller is ON POINT with how I have been feeling in his second chapter “Problems.” A little background – he is at a protest with his friend Andrew as President Bush is in Portland, OR giving a speech.

I felt empowered in the sea of people, most of whom were also carrying signs and chanting against corporations who were making slaves of Third World labor; and the Republican Party, who gives those corporations so much power and freedom. I felt so far from my upbringing, from my narrow former self, the me who was taught the Republicans give a crap about the cause of Christ. I felt a long way from the pre-me, the pawn-Christian who was a Republican because my family was Republican, not because I had prayed and asked God to enlighten me about issues concerning the entire world rather than just America (Miller 19).

I took a class on Southern Politics this semester. I learned a lot, but we mainly talked about race and the rise of the Republican Party in the South. The whole concept of the “Religious Right” bothers me. I realize that not every Christian is a Republican, but coming from a Christian school to a university in the South, people tie religion with the Republican Party. It bothers me that when people talk smack about Republicans, that they are talking negatively about the Christians who hold so tightly to their conservative politics. There are so many connotations that I wish would be taken away. When did the “American way” become so tied to Christianity? Capitalism, business ventures, consumerism, individualism are not aspects of the Gospel.

                                Conservative =\= Christian

                                Tolerance and liberal views =\= Love

                                Socialism =\= Generosity

Those last few equations are from something I scribbled down after a Spanish class where we talked about the political parties involved in the Spanish Civil War. Here is the rest of that note:

“Trying to figure out how these questions can lead me to live life differently. How do my reflections affect my daily actions? The issues are not black and white. This “noble cause” should not cause me to classify people as ‘bad’ and others ‘good.’ All need grace. All need redemption. All are victims of the Fall.”

Miller practically read my mind:

When we were done, I started wondering if we had accomplished anything. I started wondering whether we could actually change the world. I mean, of course we could – we could change our buying habits, elect socially conscious representatives and that sort of thing, but I honestly don’t believe we will be solving the greater human conflict with our effots. The problem is not a certain type of legislation or even a certain politician; the problem is the same that it has always been.

I am the problem (20).

And when I worry about the state of our government and buying my own health insurance and wondering who to vote for that isn’t gonna just play partisan politics, I remember that it’s not my job to defend evangelicals and their political views to non-Christians. I also remember that statistics generalize people a lot. I just hope that Christians will think about the people they support politically. I just hope that American Christians will care more about the world than the state of our economy. And I just hope that I can learn how to follow Jesus in all that I do by looking at how I live my life and not be so bitter at the system.