I’m breathing in all the words that you speak you think that you know, but you don’t know a thing

The pressures of the final week of classes and the stress of upcoming exams has me in a pensive mood lately. If there is something that I can deem "more worthwhile" than doing actual schoolwork, I will find it. So far, I have began a plan to read through the Bible in 90 days. I am somewhere around Exodus 15 (don't worry... I do have a bookmark) after beginning sometime last week. I have started researching possible options for grad school, and mind you, since starting college, I have sworn off grad school saying that after four years here I will be DONE WITH SCHOOL. Buuuut, taking Theological German and Theological Latin and Arabic just sounds so fun. And after a video in church about Compassion International, I have researched a possible internship at their office in Colorado. Andrew mentioned in history class a program in Cambridge where you could earn a certification to teach English as a Foreign Language in only a month... oh the possibilities of life after graduation! Goodbye American dream, and hello world!

It has been two months since I have last updated this blog. I would like to start writing more, but sometimes I just have too many ideas and not enough actual desire to write about them. I am beginning to realize though that I enjoy blogs more than I do Facebook. Since a few days before last Sunday, I have been taking a break to check maybe once every few days for messages, but no real browsing. I used to have to look through every post on the news feed until I was current with what I had read the last time I logged on, but now I am okay with maybe glancing at a few profiles. Facebook forces us to reduce our lives to mere statuses, photos, the occasional note, and liking things you sometimes don't even really like that much. I want more depth in my life. I want to struggle to find the words to write here than throw up a few characters about how stressed I am or that I am sooo excited for the weekend. I want to find out who people are by talking to them, not by trying to figure them out via Facebook. That's not really who they are.

I think for as long as I have been on the Internet I have posted things to prove to people that I am worth getting to know. Social media is fun, but must I have a Twitter, a Facebook, a Google + account, and others to keep in touch with friends I see on a day to day basis. I have always had an "Internet life". It was a nice way of escape, and when I was younger and license-less, there was opportunity for communication outside of my family. It began when I went on the website listed on the back of The Clique series (remember those, Alice) and found a forum of middle school girls. Those were fun times until drama erupted, but from that forum, I explored LiveJournal and making graphics. I met some of the coolest people, who actually cared about my life. And this is where the red flag goes up because uh oh, I made online friends who could come stalk me! but it wasn't sketchy at all. As life has gotten busier, I have neglected most of those websites, not necessarily out of choice. It just happened, and it's weird to try to go back.

I don't want my life to be digital. I realize the Internet is a great tool, but I want to have tangible ideas of my friendships and my thoughts. I'd much rather journal and talk about my life to friends than post a status that maybe gets six likes. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? You're giving me a whole twenty seconds of your thoughts. I don't want to be reduced to a mere profile page. That's not who I am.

P.S. The title comes from the lyrics of the song "My Country Tis of Me" by The Collection (Awesome band in Greensboro that you should check out!) The song is kind of a criticism on the selfishness of America. I have this weird thing that I'd rather the title be obscure song lyrics than something like "Reflections on the Internet." Vague makes you want to read, right?