Dear blog, thoughts swill around in my head, occasionally making their way into the lovely "drafts" section of blogger, but I don't ever seem to have any good concluding thoughts. Even now, I have a million threads, but nothing that resembles a finished idea. I think I've cultured myself to have a slight form of ADD, since I bounce from thought to thought, website to book, song to song, my mind never resonates on one thing for too long. This is a problem, an enjoyable problem because I like to have my brain constantly occupied by lots of nice thoughts. However, more often than not all I am left with our nice thoughts and no results, whatever those results may be. I think this might be a reason for my lack of motivation and focus this semester in regards to school. I strive for either mindlessness or mindfulness that is focused on twenty million different things, rather than the actual task at hand. It makes getting work done really hard. It makes it hard to sit down and write an email back to someone if it's more than just a sentence or two response. I dislike this problem, so I am going to turn off the music that I love so much, put my laundry in the dryer, and read a book for real.

Sincerely,

Someone Who Consumes More Blog Posts than Produces

Dear _____,

Dear blog, I'm sorry I neglect you. I just have lots of thoughts and no organization to them in my head. Dear Friday afternoons, you are the best time to be productive. Dear fall weather, you are a wonderful reason to bundle up. Instead of complaining about the chill in the air, I will enjoy all your beautiful yellows, oranges, and reds. Dear new watch, I am still unused to wearing you. I think you might be a little too bulky for my liking. Dear parents who will probably be reading this soon, I am sorry I have not called you back yet; I have been busy sleeping and doing homework. Dear Nancy, let's plan an adventure for Thanksgiving break! Dear Ballinger's creepy swings, please don't go anywhere like that Mack truck did. Dear Today's Letters, thanks for the inspiration for this post.

Sincerely,

A Wannabe British Blogger

Treasures

My phone stopped working for a little bit this evening. Even though I charged it this afternoon when I grabbed it out of my purse after rollerskating, it wouldn't turn on. The screen just remained black. After clicking and holding and clicking a few more times, I began to freak out. I think most of my freaking out was internal with the occasional "Why isn't my phone working?" But the second I knew there was a problem with my phone, I began to stress, and combined with my sudden sleepiness, I just kinda got in a bummy mood.

And it's silly, really. I mean my phone stopped working. It happens all the time to lots of people, and they make it work out. And if I think about it, I am just a spoiled American with my smart phone when so many people are surviving on SO MUCH LESS. But all I could think about was how I would most likely not be able to buy a new iPhone cause I doubt my parents would buy me another, and I wouldn't wanna burden them with that. I have the money and could buy a new one, but really I don't need to spend my money on another iPhone. But what would I do if I got a crappy phone? I mean I couldn't play Words with Friends or take awesome pictures or check Facebook and Twitter a gazillion times a day. I did without for a while. I have only had a cellphone for about a year and a half now and a smart phone for only three months. It's funny how once you move up, the old no longer satisfies. And all of this is just rambling, but this is what was going through my head. I was going to be sad because my phone broke. How materialistic have I become?! Being sad because then I'd have no phone, no camera, and no iPhone. I don't need all this to be happy. But in my head, I place a lot of value in my stuff. I mean Zooey (that's the name of my iPhone, btw) is probably one of the nicest things I own. And I want to take care of what my parents gave me cause it really does mean a lot that they would buy me one. But then there is a point when it becomes too much, and I don't want to be the pathetic girl who cries because her iPhone almost stopped working, and then she starts thinking about how all she wants is a car and money for gas so she can road trip all over America, but no if she can't keep up with her phone, how will she ever keep up with a car?!

Well, there you have it. A step inside the crazy mind of Karen. I just want to be concerned with the right things. I don't want my heart caught up in materialism.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven; where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:19-21

An Update

Almost a month has elapsed since I have last updated my blog. I managed to enjoy the last ten days of summer and move back into school with little turmoil. I did discover upon arrival on campus that all of my toiletries (shampoo, condition, hair brush, tooth brush...) were still in a box in my bathroom at home. That was a little offsetting, and it's easy for me to become discouraged when one little thing does not turn out as I had expected. I mean it's a trivial issue, but it put me in a grumpy mood for moving back onto campus. It is good to be back. I love the mountains. Campus really is so beautiful, and I wish my phone's camera did it justice. It is good to be with people here too. There is fellowship here that there is not at home. Not that home is void of fellowship, but here I feel immersed in it. And it's what I need after the last few days of summer and certain distractions.

There is a lot that I could say and a lot that I want to say, but I have decided to take some time to write more for myself than for any other eyes. I enjoy writing and want to share my thoughts and random adventures, but right now I have lots of reflecting on lessons learned that I need to do before I can share. I need to fully flesh out my emotions and thoughts before I have to share them slightly filtered on here.

And now here is my plea for letters: PLEASE WRITE ME. Por favor. I will write back. I have managed to send two letters so far this semester, and I plan to keep at it. Writing is fun. Who doesn't love a random letter?!

Karen Collins
Western Carolina University
245 Memorial Drive, Suite 6701
Cullowhee, NC 28723

This is the countdown; you see our time is running out.

Ten days till I move back to WCU. Everyone is getting excited. You can see it in the countdowns on Facebook and the "I can't wait to see you!" text message; hear it in the excited voices over phone calls or Skype. People at home ask you if you're ready or not, when you're leaving, and many more questions regarding the anticipation. It's easy to get caught up in the sadness of upcoming goodbyes or even in the anticipation and excitement of the new school year. Right now though, I don't know if I can deal with those emotions. I want to savor these last ten days without fear that home won't be the same next time I come back with even more friends going off to college, without stress that I won't get all accomplished that I need/want to, without worries about what is to come at school. I just want to live in the moment. Really enjoy the last few days of summer. Relax and have a good time cause truthfully, I don't know if I am ready. I love Western, my friends, everything, but I love Greensboro, my church, my job, my family. I don't like being stuck between both these worlds. I want to be content in the place I am currently, not wanting desperately to be back at school because the second I get there, I'll be desperately wanting to be home. Why can't I be in both places at once? This is how my life is right now, so I will just have to accept that and hope somehow I can remain content... We'll see how this goes...

You're more real than I thought.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

Those words were rather convicting this morning as we sang one of my favorite hymns in church this morning. I came to church with a semi-idea of how I wanted the last few weeks of summer to look like, but I think God has different plans for me cause today has been a day for conviction. The words from all the songs, the message, conversations with friends all pointed me in the opposite direction than I was heading. I guess you could say that I have been "playing with fire" these past few weeks as far as my heart is concerned; no more explanation is really necessary. While I know this conviction is a good thing, a very good thing, it frustrates me. Not only does it mean that I can no longer go the way I was headed and have to make some kind of effort to change things, it makes me uncomfortable. It means my flesh is about to stop getting what it wants if I plan on listening and following the Spirit. In the past, my conscience wasn't always the strongest, not that I ever really did anything too awful, but ever since sophomore or junior year my conscience weighs on me about the littlest of things. Before it made me feel guilty, but now I can see that it is a blessing, a nudging from the Holy Spirit in the right direction. And now the question remains: will I listen and do what I know is right in where I allow my heart to go?

"The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

Those are my musings during the service this morning, and they have been on my mind all day. I know what I must do, but it all comes down to actually doing it. I am terribly bad about asking for advice in regards to situations that I fully plan on doing my own thing. I know that it is not worth it right now though. I just have to remember what is.

Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.

A lot of summer has happened since the last chance I had to update this blog, and I write this with a heavy heart. My heart is not burdened by sadness or wrought with grief, as I often connect that sentiment. My heart is heavy because it is overflowing with joy. I don't know how evident that may be because I am exhausted from work and from the busy-ness that has reappeared in my life, but lately I have been at the brink of tears when I just think of how blessed I am. Like truly blessed. I may complain, but my complaints are nothing. I may be weary, but my weariness is nothing. Life has truly just been good this past month, and I have trained myself to think "La vida es buena porque Dios es bueno." But if I am honest, the chaos (good chaos) of the past few weeks have caused my heart to forget that statement I now subconsciously add to my "life is good". This Sunday was just an excellent reminder of how good it is to be in the house of God, to worship and to hear His Word. And I want to spend this Sabbath, just being and reorganizing my thoughts (and my room) and refocusing my heart and mind on the One who has overwhelmed my heart with this joy. My joy should not come from my circumstances, these wonderful summer days and summer nights, but rather from the One who brings peace in the midst of all the chaos. If I forget that now when things are going good, how will I remember when things are going bad? I want the joy that I feel inside to overflow and bless others around me because it is rooted in Christ and all He has blessed me with.